Recap 2009

2009 has been, if anything, a year of change. Or perhaps i can call it a year of adventure instead, because the number of new experiences i've had this year is definitely more than my average.

I started the year still a student. I had a great last sem, as tiring and stressful the workload may be. I had friends in every module i took and worked with the best project group of my uni years. And i'm really proud of our presentation for Child Abnormal too. It seems strange to have a presentation as something i remember for the year, but i was really proud of it. It wasn't perfect, but i liked it and i think we did a great job. And it was fun to work with those girls too :)

During my last sem, it had also been a difficult time for my family as we were all adjusting to having my aunt live with us. It involved a lot of irritation and bad moods. Now that i look back, it also resulted in quite a few funny stories, along with roughly the same number of sleepless nights. Thank God, my aunt has made a lot of improvement, so much that i'm actually rather amazed, considering what i've learnt. And we've gotten used to things also, so it's not so bad anymore.

My last sem went by really quickly and before i knew it, i was done with school. I'm really thankful that i did quite well for my final sem at least and that i managed to raise my CAP slightly, even if it was impossible for me to nudge myself up a class of honours.

I want to thank God for bringing me through my entire education. That i managed to graduate with fairly decent results and for all the experiences i had. And i'm so thankful for a great last sem in school. I'm thankful for the opportunities to go on grad trips after that with my friends, trips that He provided for :)

I fulfilled my dream of going to Japan, and as expected, i loved it! :) I'm not satisfied, though, cos i still want to go back again! And i will! Haha! :) But, yeah, after saving like mad for one and a half years, i managed to go :) And what i'm more amazed at is that i somehow managed to scrape up the funds to go on a rather late planned trip to HK with the psych girls. It was a whole load of fun, as expected and was my first trip overseas without my family. It was a new found experience of independence, planning the trip and preparing everything :)

And when i came back, i was helping out with psych camp again. Another year of getting myself so involved in camp even though i don't actually need to be. But i'm glad i did, because i made some good friends there and i think i did achieve some of my objectives. And of course, camp itself was fun :) I acted for MI for the first time and it was pretty fun :) I also met a great new group and i look forward to seeing how they grow through their uni lives :)

Oh, i forgot Absolut! That was a wonderful experience too. I was so apprehensive about facilitating for the first time, but i'm glad i did. The whole experience, from the training sessions to the actual camp itself was such a learning journey. Not to mention, i learnt a lot from the seniors too and i'm so thankful for their help :)

Well, before i knew it, it was my graduation and i was officially no longer a student. It left me with a lot of mixed feelings and had a sort of finality to it. It was some sort of indication to me that my holiday was over. I was no longer a student and it was time for me to forge my own path in life. And it made me feel incredibly lost cos i had no clue where i was going.

I struggled a lot. Wanting to quit my job at the ice cream shop, but not daring to lose my only source of income and not daring to jump into a whole world of unknowns. All the jobs i applied for, half-heartedly, i must admit, did not reply me at all. I felt really useless and really didn't want to have to start working life.

So i kept myself involved with psych soc stuff. I still helped out with prep camp and AGM and went to a few of the new ex-co's meetings. As much as i was doing what i intended and working towards a goal in doing all that, i was also refusing to let go of my student life. But, i knew that sooner or later, i had to move on. It was tough finding a balance between remaining connected to the society that i care about, and letting go enough so that i don't stagnate myself, but i think i have done it :)

For a while, as i was still contemplating my future, or lack of it, i felt increasingly poor. My parents were indirectly pressuring me to get a job and i know that my family's finances aren't good. It felt pretty lousy to be a grad and get such meager pay too. And then i had the burden of having to pay for my dental surgery too.

I really felt God's providence for me financially. Just when i needed it, He gave me jobs as a research assistant. It allowed me to earn more and also gave me chances to go back to NUS and see my friends, thus helping to ease the moving on process too. And because of how He provided for me, i managed to pay for my surgery in full, without having to ask my parents for help. Praise God! :)

Also, my surgery went amazingly well. I'd heard so many horror storied from friends of the pain i'd suffer and that my face would swell up like mad and stuff like that, but the whole thing went so smoothly for me. The surgery went without a hitch, i didn't suffer as much as i had expected (although my mostly liquid diet was pretty boring) and my face didn't seem to swell very much either. People didn't seem to notice anything different about me in fact! Praise God! :)

I attended a friend's wedding for the first time this year too , and was even a bridesmaid :P It was a completely new experience and i felt so awkward, but i still felt happy at the end of the day. My friend had found her happiness, and through this experience, i also found new friends :)

Not long after i'd started my life in limbo, having not heard from all the places i applied to and not knowing what to do, God unexpectedly threw me a hint. I was suddenly presented an idea that i'd never thought of previously. It's something that i'd never dare to take on of my own accord, but i really felt that it was something He wanted me to do. And He gave me so much confirmation, all planned even before i thought of asking for it, that i was so amazed. It was clear to me that that was what i was supposed to do. I don't know what comes next, and i don't even dare to reveal what it is here (although a lot of you already know what it is) cos i'm afraid that i'll fail, but i'm just going to obey.

I can't say the process of actually getting started with the whole thing was easy. My essay was absolutely horrible to write and i had so many thoughts about whether this was right. But somehow, it gave some purpose to my life. It gave me an aim to work towards. I'm really thankful that God has led me when i was completely lost. I still can't see far off into my future, but i'm certain that all i have to do is listen to what he says :) And next year, i hope to be able to share good news with all of you :)

So as i came to the end of the year, having decided that i definitely have to quit my job at the ice cream shop for various reasons, and also so that i can move on, i was again in limbo for a while, uncertain of what i'd do next year for money. And then God throws me another opportunity. Even before i quit completely, i've secured a 10 week relief teaching stint, which will pay me so much more than what i earn now and, i believe, is a part of His bigger plan and yet another confirmation for me.

And somehow, due to the fire at the shop, which i really consider to be a blessing in disguise, i got to end work at the shop on a much better note. The tough times i went through at work, which made me feel so much like quitting and eventually led me to inform Boss that i was going to quit, also turned out to help me bond with my friends there. And it really ensured that i moved on too.

So now as the year closes and i venture into 2010, i am very thankful for how much God has looked after me and guided me this whole year. I am constantly amazed by how He makes things happen at just the right times, how He has provided so many new experiences for me, how He has provided for me financially for all the things i needed, and even some that i wanted, and how He keeps blessing me in so many different ways. I am so thankful for all that i've learnt in this year. I've definitely grown up more and become more independent. Of course, i've still got a lot more to learn :)

I will admit that going into a new year, i am scared. I foresee many challenges and difficulties ahead. My escapist mentality would like for me to just avoid everything and not challenge myself, but i can't allow it. I am scared of relief teaching, cos i'm scared that i'll screw up. I'm scared of what comes next once my 10 weeks are over cos i have absolutely no plan. There is so much i don't know and so much i have to learn. And one of the things i really need more of is courage cos i'm always such a scardy cat! :P

But i think what i need the most is still trust. Trust that God will lead the way and that whatever He puts in front of me, He will also give me the strength to overcome. If i can trust, then i will have no need to fear.

And on another note, what i really want more of is love. I think that i have a long way more to develop as a person and the quality i need most is love. I want to be able to love others more. To have a genuine care for others, even strangers or those whom i don't like very much. I absolutely need to learn to be more Christ-like.

I don't really make resolutions, but i guess what i've just written can be considered so? Or at least, those are my hopes for the new year. Well, i hope that i don't stop challenging myself :)

I guess this has been the most open i've been on this blog. I hope i've not revealed too much :P Heh. But anyhow, thanks to all the friends and family who have been in my life this year. You have all impacted my life in one way or another and i am thankful for all of you :) Let's look forward to another year of adventure :)

And on a final note, i am determined that in 2010, whether it is for short term or long term, i will go to Japan again! Haha! :)